Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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