Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
