The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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