This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
