I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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