I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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