I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Randomize
