you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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