There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
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