this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Randomize
