The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
