I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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