You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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