did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Randomize
