I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
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