Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
