So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize