my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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