I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
