I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
