woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
