never play flip cup with pint glasses
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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