I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
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