I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Randomize
