I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Randomize
