Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
