she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
