U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
