I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
