Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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