Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
