i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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