ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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