She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
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