I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Randomize
