guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Rumble strips road head = magical
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Randomize
