all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
At least life still wants to fuck me.
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