3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
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