i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
My balls are so social today.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
