I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
