Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
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