I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
