what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
