Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
