kristin has been a bad kristin
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Randomize
