11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
