Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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