Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
