you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
