It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
